Day 14: Me Time

I basically had a boyfriend from the age of 16 to 23.  For those of you who are in, or have ever been in, a relationship, you know how life-consuming they are.  I realized, once I broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years, that I had no idea what to do with myself.  What on earth would I do with all my free time?  Faced with the knowledge that I was completely and ridiculously helpless on my own, I was basically repulsed by myself and was determined to change that.  So, on July 18th, 2009, I took myself on my first date.  It was awesome.  I went and had my favorite meal (penne rosa) at Noodles and Company at the Zona Rosa outdoor shopping center in Kansas City.  At first I felt like a major loser eating by myself, but luckily I had brought along my treasured Saul Williams' ,Said the Shotgun to the Head and got lost in his beautiful words.  After dinner I meandered through the area looking in the shop windows and enjoying the lovely summer day, when I came across an outdoor Irish rock concert.  It was sooo good!  I even bought a cd of their music, and went home completely content.

I had actually been asked out on a date that night, and it took EVERYTHING in me to say no.  I had already made my plans with myself and had decided I needed to be serious about it, and I'm so glad that I was.  I'm a person who ALWAYS needs to have plans.  I like being busy.  I need to be busy.  But in being so busy, I had lost - or more accurately never found - myself.

When I first moved to Spain I struggled a lot with this.  I had no friends.  No church.  No school.  No social events of any kind.  It was really hard for me.  However, after a little more than a year and a half, I once again find myself cramming my schedule as full as I can.  Sometimes I really like it, but I also realize I need still need some me time every now and again.

So, after a weekend in Paris and another weekend in Valencia, I decided to declare this past weekend mine (with the exception of Elena's birthday party which had been planned long ago).  It was soooo hard for me to tell Anna at work that I couldn't go out with her on Saturday, and it was hard to decide not to go to my house church's barbeque on Sunday (which I thought I couldn't go to anyway because of Elena's birthday party, but then realized I could).  But I knew I needed the rest.  The me time.  And I'm so glad I did.  It was still a struggle on Sunday to stay put and not head to the bbq at the last minute, but I stayed strong, and was super productive at home.  I didn't have an awesome date like other times, but just being alone, with myself, at home, was all I needed this time.

I think too many times we don't make me time a priority, and I really think it should be.